Mini-Tasking

Turns out I can only make changes and be consistent in ONE area of my life at a time...
It's now Sunday night, a week has passed and father, I definitely have sinned. More than once.
More than once a day, even.

I know I don't cope well with going cold turkey on anything - it's nice and definitive, but when the serious cravings kick in, my mind runs wild and I'm miserable.
The changes will be more long term if I give myself some time to adjust, and be forgiving (without kidding myself, of course).

The blog is a little too much of a good thing right now, so it's going to be quiet for a while. If I feel like writing, I'll have a place for it and a (possibly non-existent) listener or two.
If you did stumble upon this blog via a Google search or something, this site captures the process of saying goodbye to sugar beautifully: Stop Being Sweet.

Good luck! I know you can kick sugar's ass and be healthy and happy, as you're supposed to be.
X

Day One. Back to Zero.

09:30 - 20:00: No Sugar. Feel good, have more energy, make less lists.
                       Around 15:00 had a sudden obsession with Balisto candy bar, recognised the need for
                       sugar, ate an apple. Worked perfectly!
20:00: ... Balisto lost his life.

So what happened?
- Had an absolutely non-fulfulling meal for dinner (white macaroni, tomato cubes and sauce - always a sure way to make me feel miserable). Fear rised, had some yoghurt, which didn't completely solve the problem.
- I reach for sugar when I'm scared, sad, frustrated, in other words: in need of comfort. Felt dissatisfied, frustrated and scared after dinner - enter Balisto.
- Could hold it off for a while, then started to feel sorry for myself, and caved.

I know what happened, and I know it takes practice to become better at resisting temptation.

What I need is a way to take care of myself, make myself feel better without creating future problems.
Either I teach myself to get the same feeling of love from other things,
or I let myself feel uncomfortable, thus forcing my brain to find a new source of love and comfort.
... or I cut myself some slack and let myself do this a little less the cold turkey way.

I do notice my mind is not focusing on this week only - I am looking for a way to change the way I eat forever. In which case, a slower approach might be much more effective.  

I'm not reporting the Balisto to my Facebook contacts. Yet.
I am going to continue resisting the urge and finding alternatives for the cravings I have (finding out what my body and mind really need), but if resisting turns into torture, I'm letting myself have the thing I want. But I'll enjoy it much more, and eat (or enjoy) it slowly, and be glad to.
To make this easier: I have to get a decent dinner every day to get the nutrients in my body I need to build up what I ruined and to help my body cope with the changes.
Gonna think some more about how I want to guarantee this.

Will keep you posted.
K.

The Day Before (or rather, The 15 Minutes Before)

I wrote an entire blog. Deleted it. This is exactly what my problem is:

I'm looking for a way to calm my mind. Unfortunately, in an act of rebellion, my mind gets noisy, chatters, starts to panic a little bit. It makes me believe that making hundreds of lists is the answer, that decluttering will make me ultimately happy (it does help, but when is one ever done?), that keeping myself in a sugar and sleep-deprivation induced coma is a good idea.

It's not.

And to break the cycle and silence the chatter (or at least make it chatter about something new), I'm trying something else.

1. Booked a massage and facial treatment today. (to get my body to relax and start a-fresh)
2. Vowed (publically, on Facebook - for leverage) to not eat sugar from this Monday till the next Sunday.
3. Gave myself three 'but's: No Whining, No Self-Punishment, No Overcomplicating Things.

The problem with promising yourself this at 00:14h is that you tend to regret this the following morning. Not unlike that last shot of tequila, or feeding your hot dog to the iguana (turns out they don't do so well on sauerkraut). To combat this feeling, however, I have the power of knowledge:

1. The last time I did this (4yrs ago), it sucked too at first. But then I became this wonderously happy, calm and fit creature, and not nearly as depressed as I had been.
2. I'm very, very slowly killing myself with this. And, I don't want to ruin my teeth any further, get fat at unhealthy places, feel this emotional and energy-less anymore. Or get diabetes. Or a heart attack.
3. If I don't do this, I will have failed myself once again and have proven that I am a lying slug of a being.
4. If I don't do this, I will have to confess my lying sluggishness to my entire Facebook fanbase + run to the village, buy something for someone else (no gifts! potatoes, or beer or something - can't be gratifying for me - and yes, I'm actually that horrible that I'd find this less awful if I get to buy something for myself as a reward) and run back.

I'll keep you posted throughout the process. (Should be managable for one week...)
Now how am I going to kick that internet addiction..?

K.