The Day Before (or rather, The 15 Minutes Before)

I wrote an entire blog. Deleted it. This is exactly what my problem is:

I'm looking for a way to calm my mind. Unfortunately, in an act of rebellion, my mind gets noisy, chatters, starts to panic a little bit. It makes me believe that making hundreds of lists is the answer, that decluttering will make me ultimately happy (it does help, but when is one ever done?), that keeping myself in a sugar and sleep-deprivation induced coma is a good idea.

It's not.

And to break the cycle and silence the chatter (or at least make it chatter about something new), I'm trying something else.

1. Booked a massage and facial treatment today. (to get my body to relax and start a-fresh)
2. Vowed (publically, on Facebook - for leverage) to not eat sugar from this Monday till the next Sunday.
3. Gave myself three 'but's: No Whining, No Self-Punishment, No Overcomplicating Things.

The problem with promising yourself this at 00:14h is that you tend to regret this the following morning. Not unlike that last shot of tequila, or feeding your hot dog to the iguana (turns out they don't do so well on sauerkraut). To combat this feeling, however, I have the power of knowledge:

1. The last time I did this (4yrs ago), it sucked too at first. But then I became this wonderously happy, calm and fit creature, and not nearly as depressed as I had been.
2. I'm very, very slowly killing myself with this. And, I don't want to ruin my teeth any further, get fat at unhealthy places, feel this emotional and energy-less anymore. Or get diabetes. Or a heart attack.
3. If I don't do this, I will have failed myself once again and have proven that I am a lying slug of a being.
4. If I don't do this, I will have to confess my lying sluggishness to my entire Facebook fanbase + run to the village, buy something for someone else (no gifts! potatoes, or beer or something - can't be gratifying for me - and yes, I'm actually that horrible that I'd find this less awful if I get to buy something for myself as a reward) and run back.

I'll keep you posted throughout the process. (Should be managable for one week...)
Now how am I going to kick that internet addiction..?

K.